Original Text, "Adoption and the Gospel: The Mother" 

 

from https://www.byui.edu/radio/adoption-and-the-gospel-the-mother

Originally published April 5, 2017

​

     If you are asked to define a "family," how would you respond? In the most idyllic sense, you'd think of a father, a mother, and children, each bound together in love and friendship.

     Let's think about another question, then: where does adoption fit into that mix?

     Do we really understand the range of emotions, the possible tension, or the faith and hope involved in the decision to place a child into another family's home? Do we understand the range of emotions, the possible tension, and the faith and hope of the families looking to accept a baby, or a child into their home?

     I didn't. I don't think I could ever fully understand. But as I've learned about placing a child, and bringing a child home, I've gained hope, respect and love for those families who are a part of this process.

     Let's start where the adoption process begins: the mother.

Pregnancy can swing between ecstatic joy and anxious anticipation for an expecting mother. But those feelings can give way to fear when a teenager is faced with the financial responsibility, emotional load, and physical demands of having a baby. An adoption doesn't always start with a pregnant teenager. But in this case it did.

     Sarah Roberts placed her baby for adoption through LDS Family Services eight years ago. I invited her to speak with me, and to share her story.

     "I was 18 when I found out, I had gone through kind of a tough childhood, a lot of things that made me really insecure about my self-dignity. At first, you know, when I very first found out, I thought, 'I'll just get married, I'll make the best of it that way,' and I was scared, of course."

     Although she had loving parents, Roberts had endured sexual abuse which, as she explained it, created an unhealthy idea of marriage and sex for her. She also said during her teenage years, she wasn't actively participating in her faith in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

     "I was kind of lost, I didn't know what I wanted."

     When she learned she was expecting, she told only two people: her high school boyfriend, and one of her cousins. She and her cousin began preparing for the future, even putting a down payment on an apartment, where Roberts and her boyfriend expected to live after getting married.

     "And that was going to be my life; that was going to be my baby's life."

     She said that as time went on, she felt more uneasy about her situation.

     "Nothing felt right about the path I was taking. A friend invited me to church, and I went."

     The Branch President of the Young Single Adult Branch saw Roberts, and asked if she could meet with her after their meetings. Roberts said no, but the Branch President persisted.

     "It wasn't obvious that I was pregnant at all. And nobody knew there that I was pregnant...  I agreed to meet with him, we went into his office, and he asked to open the meeting with a prayer, so we did that. And the first thing after we said 'Amen' that he said was, 'Sarah, are you pregnant?'"

     Sarah explained her situation. She admitted she hadn't told her parents, and with the help of her Branch President, she decided that was the next step she needed to take.Her Branch President also counselled with her about adoption.

     "I grew up with the Gospel, and I knew Christ's plan for a family. And I knew that was the right plan, is to have a family that's a unit. And I kind of knew that the guy I'd been dating wouldn't provide that for me."

     Roberts had expected her parents to be angry with her. She cancelled her subsequent meetings with her Branch President, twice, before finally speaking with her parents.

     "They weren't screaming at me, and mad, they were crying; they were sad that I had made some bad choices. But were willing to help me however I wanted. That's when I really decided, 'yeah, I do want to place her for adoption, I do know that's the right choice.'"

     As Roberts prepared to place her baby girl, she found counselling and even joined a "Mommy Group" through LDS Family Services. She wrestled with finding the right family to place her baby with, but once she did, all that was left to do was actually have the baby.

​

♀

​

     It's here we should make mention of the people who help make an adoption happen. If you were to visit the LDS Family Services Webpage and look for adoption help, you find free consultations, information about adoption, and a link to create a profile on Adoption.com.

     Kris Bennett is the director of growth for the Elevati group, the company behind marketing for Adoption.com, and Adoptionlife.org. He puts adoptive families out into the public eye using the internet.

     "When I get to watch their 'hoping to adopt' video, I get a real feel for them, and I feel connected, which is funny because I never get to meet them." 

     He visited with me about his perspective of the adoption process, and talked about his motivations for being a part of the adoption process.

     "I really want to find a family that I know that she as the expectant mother would love to meet. You never know who's going to connect with who, right? You never know for what reason; sometimes it's like, 'oh, you like Disney? I like Disney! Great!'"

​

♂

​

     As Roberts prepared to place her baby, she decided to keep her baby's adoption 'open,' meaning she would have a legal agreement with the adoptive family to visit and communicate with their child after birth.

     "To be honest, in my situation, I would not have done it had it not been open. You're attached to your baby.  I mean, no matter what. This is something that grew inside of you nine months, you just, you love your baby."

     I asked Roberts to walk me through the day she signed the legal custody of her baby to the adoptive parents.

     "When you sign the papers, actually it's really a devastating day, probably the second most devastating day next to the day that your baby's taken away from you."

     Roberts explained that she was sad, but because of the open adoption, she has been able to be a part of very tender experiences in her daughter's life.

     "She's eight now, I've had contact with her, I see her about twice a year. She calls me her 'tummy mommy.' Her birth parents just invited me, I just saw them message yesterday, that they invited me to go to her baptism."

     I asked Roberts if the need presented itself, or if she was in the same place that she needed to place a child for adoption, if she would make the same choice. 

     "You know, I probably would, because I had a positive experience with it." 

     Sarah Roberts faced a decision many young mothers face today: providing a bright future for their baby. Regardless of where they are in life, every mother seeks to give their child the chance to be what they want, to accomplish great things, and to surprise themselves as they surpass what they believe to be their potential. 

​